salt

my heart is winning the battle and in the end, when i'm left stumbling around in a state of complete disconnect, my brain will scoff at my heart and say "i told you so."
i don't even know what i'm doing any more.
everyone is sick of hearing about it, i'm tired of talking about it, i'm exhausted from wrestling with myself about it. the resources have been expended and if i am required to spend one more emotional penny i will break the bank.

please be courteous and limit usage to 15 min

it's me aubrey! comin' to you live from minnesota- coldest state in the USofA. i can't even think about stepping outside without shivering. and when i do have to take the plunge into the frigid air i hold my breath and race to the car because a single intake of that cruel minnesota chill freezes my lungs and makes me cough like an old smoker. brrrr.

i am so happy. i really am. this trip has been lovely and everything i thought it wouldn't be. i'm sitting here in the hotel's cozy cute lobby, drinkin hot chocolate by the fire and blogging. could i ask for more? well yeah i could probably ask for a friend or a sister who didn't have retire to bed after dinner or a boyfriend.

speaking of boyfriend...no. i promised myself to never blog about him because prying eyes shouldn't be allowed to read about my lovelife,,,er,,likelife? er..sometimesithinkiloveyoulife? hahanotfunny.

i went over the hotel's time-limit for this computer. when a girl's gotta blog she's gotta blog

condamner mon coeur

i enjoy blogging at work because even though i am electronically scribbling garbage that is likely to get deleted within 24 hrs of posting, i am getting paid $10/hr to do so. > aha! i am a being paid to write! it's almost as if i am a real writer. almost.

well anyway, last night i had a particularly notable break-down. 2 emotionally-taxing events occurred within that 24 hour period and then my boyfriend called me fat, kind of. and that is the point at which i crumbled into a ball of weeping malaise which sounds like mayonnaise which makes me feel sick. i woke up disgustingly early this morning and again i was afflicted with the heavy organ syndrome. i do feel better though, sleep has a way of lessening physical and emotional ailments. same with time, and chocolate. you may be thinking "wow, aubrey is a loony because she cried about her boyfriend being unintentionally stupid" but that is just the tip of the iceberg. yesterday was a day i will not be able to forget for a very long time.

i may stay at BYU for spring term and take my internship pre-req class and then a million dance classes. and the weather will be warm, so i will wake up every morning and go running. and i will make a few new friends, because i hear people are friendlier during the spring. and then i will go to europe to see my sister and then go home and earn a little money and watch TiVOed shows with my mom and go to the pool with my little brother and squeeze my fluffy cat melia whenever she angrily saunters by. i feel so good about that.


i just earned $2.50 to compose this post.

i hate this

it feels like we're walking in 2 inches of water.
nice and easy. very shallow.

a million little vignettes

last night i couldn't sleep because in my head i was narrating a million little vignettes to include in my most recent concept for a book which will be entitled "a million little vignettes." my first vignette will be about trains in manassas and airplanes in ashburn and sounds. the second about my mother doing laundry in the evening. the third will be about a library full of leather-bound books. the fourth possibly about God, but this is the undeveloped musing i contemplated before sleep overwhelmed me last night. her companions were nightmares of nate nelson forcing me to eat hot dogs with relish and my boyfriend finding me under some covers in my bed and beating me with a stick. mean, mean boys.

another piece worth noting was an email that i received from my media law teacher last night. he was returning an electronic paper i submitted during the semester and included the following glorious statement in the closing commentary: "your writing is superb!" !!! not good, not great, not even excellent- nay! superb! my first published piece of literature as a self-proclaimed writer receives a first-rate review from a distinguished lawyer and professor. victory!

good morning

my sister left this morning and i am depressed now.
i do believe the only cure for a lonely heart is an empty wallet and replete closet.
nordstrom here i come. ciao.

christmas day

i just wrote a 800 word post but it was poorly written so i deleted it. it was about my dying grandpa who (whom?) i got to spend an hour talking with tonight. i guess you could say it was my goodbye. i don't think i want to post that personal information on the WWW, anyways.

today was a good day because i got to talk to my sister kate on the phone and play lots of ping pong with my brothers. i also got to take a long nap and my cat came out of hiding to say hello. special. merry christmas.