got my thinkin' music on

so even though this post is going to be a huge struggle for me to write due to a tragic football accident (see above photo, although you can't see how blue or poofy my index finger is), i feel compelled to write about today. it was very eventful. in my mind. lots of thinking. so i'll start at the beginning. my finger was hurting like a mother effer and i was sulking about how many difficult decisions i have to face right now and how annoying everyone on the study abroad was being, when i suddenly realized how inexcusably bratty i was being. my best friend, my little sister, mom, AND my little brother are all going through REALLY crappy times right now. i mean really freakin hard times. i had to get up and leave. i began walking to the subway station, sunglasses concealing the tears streaming down my face. it was a combination of guilt and helplessness. i wondered why they have to deal with such crappy things in this life and how easy life has been on me so far. its unfair! i must house a weaker spirit than their's. ok so then, i was crushed by a giant rock to the face. figuratively. if there can even be a figurative interpretation of that... that is what it felt like. it was as simple as seeing an elderly shabby man, clothing and grime layered on his body in 90 degree weather, limping along the crowded streets of vienna with his hand outstretched. begging. i literally stopped in my tracks. i stared. the tears streamed faster as my mind raced to grasp exactly what emotion i was now feeling. i have seen hundreds of beggars in my life but none had affected me the way this man did. this man's every posession in the world was being carried on his back. he had no one to care for, and no one to care for him. life was cruel to him, ripped away whatever love or possessions he was entitled to and left him on the streets for people to pretend not to see. no matter how excruciating the emotional pain gets for me or my loved ones, it will never be to that point. now the only question i reflect on is "how did we get so lucky?" who is to say i don't deserve to be that homeless man stumbling down the streets alone? now- overwhelming gratitude.

eisley told me "when we get down, we'll get up again"
i have faith that my friends and family who are currently struggling will find their feet very soon, and know that no matter how crappy life is, they are never alone. cheesy, but true.