out with the old, in with the new!

this is NOT an autobiography

My stomach hurt from not eating in two days. And my jaw hurt from the clenching. And my palms hurt from the fingernails I dug into my fists. And my eyes hurt from the tears and my head hurt from the sobbing and my heart from it all.

But I guess pain makes for the best stories. Writers in Hollywood think “sex sells”, but the real writers in this world know that it is really pain that sells. Shakespeare and Steinbeck and Kate Chopin figured that out early on. I think the best kind of pain to write about is some sort of deep-seeded emotional pain that was planted there as a child. I once heard a story about a little metal wedge that was lodged into a young tree. I guess the tree decided he could ignore that pesky wedge and just grew around it. After a while he was a beautiful towering Walnut tree. Then one day an angry ice storm came along and, well anyway, the tree never developed on the inside because of that wedge so he was destroyed by that storm. I wish I could have taken the wedge out of that tree when he was just a kid. Maybe I could have saved him.

That is the kind of pain you can’t learn about that in movies or TV. That’s what frustrates me about actors. You never know what they are thinking, you can only assume motives behind what they do or say. And usually my assumptions about people are wrong. Sometimes they have that thoughtful narrator voice that is supposed to help the viewer get into their head a little, but that always seems so cheesy to me. Well anyway, I guess that is what I’ll write about. My deep-seeded emotional pain.

Because pain sells and I want to be a best-selling author.

9

my feelings get hurt at least once a day.

8

i have lots of opinions.

san diego

i went to san diego with hunter last weekend. it was SO fun. so so oh so fun. we flew in on thursday and went straight to in-n-out, then changed at his house and went to the beach for the day. went home and showered, went to a really good mexican restaurant and then back to the beach for sunset. on friday we woke up early and headed to sea world, which was a blast. we both have a serious obsession with animals. grabbed burritos (mexican for every meal) on the way home and i spent the night online shoe shopping while hunter read a book on the floor next to me. saturday hunter golfed while i got a pedicure and that night we went to the padres game (i gave him tickets for his birthday) with his parents. baseball games are the best sporting events to go to i think. we got hot dogs and peanuts and licorice and i gained 45 lbs over the weekend. sunday we relaxed and we were supposed to fly home on monday but we were having so much fun that we changed the flight to tuesday, cuz we could. booya. anyway, this post was boring but here is a picture or 2 to spice it up.

no it can't always be kisses, hugs, and beautiful words

me: it only complicates everything. no one can see straight when they are in love

Hartman8: isn't that the point of it- to put up with another imperfect human being's bullshit for eternity? cuz let's be honest, neither one of us stand a chance unless we're in love

i really really really really love my boyfriend