i hate this

it feels like we're walking in 2 inches of water.
nice and easy. very shallow.

a million little vignettes

last night i couldn't sleep because in my head i was narrating a million little vignettes to include in my most recent concept for a book which will be entitled "a million little vignettes." my first vignette will be about trains in manassas and airplanes in ashburn and sounds. the second about my mother doing laundry in the evening. the third will be about a library full of leather-bound books. the fourth possibly about God, but this is the undeveloped musing i contemplated before sleep overwhelmed me last night. her companions were nightmares of nate nelson forcing me to eat hot dogs with relish and my boyfriend finding me under some covers in my bed and beating me with a stick. mean, mean boys.

another piece worth noting was an email that i received from my media law teacher last night. he was returning an electronic paper i submitted during the semester and included the following glorious statement in the closing commentary: "your writing is superb!" !!! not good, not great, not even excellent- nay! superb! my first published piece of literature as a self-proclaimed writer receives a first-rate review from a distinguished lawyer and professor. victory!

good morning

my sister left this morning and i am depressed now.
i do believe the only cure for a lonely heart is an empty wallet and replete closet.
nordstrom here i come. ciao.

christmas day

i just wrote a 800 word post but it was poorly written so i deleted it. it was about my dying grandpa who (whom?) i got to spend an hour talking with tonight. i guess you could say it was my goodbye. i don't think i want to post that personal information on the WWW, anyways.

today was a good day because i got to talk to my sister kate on the phone and play lots of ping pong with my brothers. i also got to take a long nap and my cat came out of hiding to say hello. special. merry christmas.

4 weeks sober

it is one of those days where everything feels very heavy. my eyelids, my head, my organs, my arms and hands and fingers and fingernails and cells and cytoplasm and golgi bodies. it's all weighing me down. i'll shake it off and leave the cells and fingers and organs underneath my bed with the dust mites and crumpled gum wrappers. i'll keep my eyelids though so i can close my eyes and ascend into the lucid sky as a transparent, aerial spirit free of temporal baggage. i'll remain there until i inhale enough of the unstained sky to fill my squalid lungs that i left under the bed. i'll watch the earth and develop a charitable empathy for all the little people, each doing his or her very best to find what fulfills their little lives and validates each polluted little breath they intake. then i'll close my heavy eyelids and descend to those cumbersome body parts and proceed with my cluttered, selfish existence.

i feel sad for the sun. i imagine he is sweetly attempting to reach his encouraging beams into this listless dungeon but is rudely interrupted by the murky window, creating a muted, somber aura absorbed by the barren cement walls.

my flight leaves soon but i am sitting, unshowered and undressed, in the middle of this godforsaken apartment writing nonsense about golgi bodies and a personified sun. i don't know if it is prudent to use the term "godforsaken" but it is entirely too appropriate to replace with a less relevant synonym.

my new favorite work: copacetic
it's not even in the Microsoft Word dictionary.

kenny king

finals week. week of perpetual tension headaches and desperate pleas for inspiration from a higher source. at this moment i am cramming for my 8am media law final in my excessively warm apartment. i turned the heat up to 79 degrees [f]. my exboyfriend's mediocre musical attempts on the guitar are quietly humming from my laptop. although i will give him this much: he really does have an intriguing voice and his lyrics- however self-satisfying and dramatic- are kind of lovely. i don't think i have listened to his music in over a year and a half. alright, i have had enough, i'm changing it.

ashley and i went to kenny king's charity christmas party. it was the most enjoyable BYU party i have ever attended.

injudicious

i'm afraid that stripped of my impractical life plans and injudicious pursuance for affection i am nothing more than an oblivious little girl, defined by diluted standards and contrived ambitions that i don't even consider myself capable of.

i will own up to the fact that previous to today i had no idea what 'injudicious' meant. but i like it. it is a good word. i will induct it into my vocabulary. injudicious. injudicious.injudicious.

i don't contribute much to society but one day i will and my contribution will be relatively insignificant and flawed but absolutely sincere.